Try, try again

I am attempting to once and for all come up with a “plan” I can stick to, one that satisfies the balance of what needs to be done and want I want to do, as well as introduces a routine I can not only accomplish, but stick with, for diet and exercise.  This time, I will approach this from not only a goal-oriented standpoint, but one that takes into account my many, many weaknesses.  Maybe I can finally come up with a course of action that is both achievable and rewarding.

First, I need to enumerate my goals.  What are the things that I really want to achieve?  I need to keep my list short and realistic — I can tackle more ambitious plans at a later date, once I manage the smaller ones.  Too much change and pressure to succeed at once is a path to defeat.  I know; I’ve done that.

So, I’ll list no more than five objectives.  They should mesh well together and be first steps to a larger goal.  These are the ones I have chosen:

1. Regulate my diet – I am aware of my peaks and valleys in regard to healthy eating.  I need to concentrate on more peaks and less valleys.  Instead of falling to the temptation of the fast in fast-food, I need to remember the quick and lasting effects of keeping that in a regular diet.
2. Exercise- While this has made every resolution list I have devised in the past 10 or more years, I need to establish an exercise regimen that I will actually subscribe to.  I know better than to insist on daily cardio or weight-lifting, or to pretend that the evening walk that sounds great in the morning will actually happen after a long day at work.
3. Organize – Yet another ever-present list item, organization both excites and escapes me.  Usually, I stand paralyzed while facing a task that is just too daunting to even begin.  A better approach would be to attack these chores piece by piece, while maintaining the initial progress.  All large projects are easier to complete when broken down into manageable steps.
4. Prioritize – This goal has two rewards: More efficiency in all of the things I do, and more time left over to do many of the things I want.  At work and at home, procrastination robs me of time, even though it seems to free time by not doing something.  The truth is, the time I spend being painfully aware of my procrastination is time absolutely void of any type of productivity or relaxation.  It’s too hard to relax when your to-do list scrolls through your head and you aren’t doing anything to shorten it.
5. Relax – This is not in opposition to all of the action items listed above, but in concert with them.  I need to learn how to effectively use down time, not only to accomplish things, but to allow myself the reward of achieving better work/life balance.  Usually, any time not spent working toward an action item is just time I spend worrying about those things.  Instead, I need to learn to relax, eliminate unnecessary stress, and allow my body and mind the time it needs to recharge.

There, that’s the first step.  I can cross that off of my list.  Notice how I didn’t write “lose 10 pounds” or “quit smoking” above?  That’s because those are hefty goals that will never happen without the baby steps above.  Again, I know, because I’ve tried.

Now I need relatively easy ways to accomplish the above tasks, ones that I will actually be motivated to do, and to continue.  For the time being, I will only prescribe one action to each goal, to prevent overwhelming myself with so much that I will be unlikely to even attempt those actions.  Here’s what I have in mind:

1. Choose and prepare foods in advance.  I’m no stranger to a menu plan and a shopping list, but I have been leaving too much to chance by ignoring the two most vulnerable meals of the day – breakfast and lunch.  If I don’t skip breakfast altogether, I grab a calorie- and fat-laden breakfast menu item at the local drive-thru.  Lunch, which normally occurs when I finally can’t stand the hunger anymore, often comes from the same source.  There are no such things as healthy snacks in between because I don’t keep them on hand.  These are relatively easy fixes, and if I put a little extra effort into the meal plans and grocery lists I already prepare, as well as spend a little more time in the kitchen on Sunday putting together items that can be made in advance, it’ll be a snap.  Plus, I can fix snacks of my own when I’m packing the same items for my daughter for her days in kindergarten.  I already know they’re healthy, because that’s the kind of stuff I give her, and because her school has rules regarding snack items (it follows a government health program).  I’m also adverse to wasting food, so I know that I would loathe passing over a healthy pre-made item for my usual junk.  An added bonus: money saved.
2. Forget a strict schedule mandating daily aerobics, three-times-a-week weights, and that ab regimen that never seems to happen.  New rule: daily activity – of any type.  That means choosing something each day that counts as exercise, even though it may be disguised as something enjoyable.  Examples may include actually participating with the kids as they bound around the backyard, taking the dog on a much-needed walk through the park (and watching spring begin to bloom), playing Wii (yes, that does count – try Wii Sports – especially boxing - or Wii Fit if you disagree), or catching a (beginner’s) class at the Y.  Instead of shunning additional motion, I will realize that it counts toward my goals, and knock it out when I get the chance.
3. Pick one, just one, project at a time and do it.  Kitchen counters piling up with  mail, discarded school folder contents, and things belonging in other rooms? That looks like the project du jour.  I can grab an empty file folder, trash the mailbox spam and non-keepsake drawings, and throw the misplaced items into a basket for a one-pass distribution through the house.  Done, and that clean counter and available file folder now deters the mess from recurring (at least, not right away).  The next day, when it’s hard to walk into the closet to hang clothes, I’ll deem that day “shoe-to-rack replacement day.”  Done.  Next challenge?  Only if I’m feeling froggy, otherwise, it can count as tomorrow’s.
4. Choose tasks in order of importance, not in order of least-resistance.  On the heels of the above solution, this will gradually get easier and more productive over time.  Sometimes a new task trumps one that has already earned a place on the to-do list.  If that’s the case, it needs attention first, regardless of how distasteful it may be.  For instance, when there’s a million tings to be taken care of, and I choose the one that’s quick and easy, that’s not always the best idea.  Sure, it’s a fast way to complete one of my many tasks, but how long will short task after task delay me from getting to the more pressing matters?  The answer is: until the tax return is late, my child’s soccer registration has ended, the bills are past due, or the rebate has expired.  I resolve to take care of the time-sensitive and important tasks when they need to be addressed, then move on to the little things that really monopolize my time.
5. “Me time” should have a purpose.  What’s the point in vegging out in front of the TV if I don’t even enjoy watching it?  When designating time for myself, which is critical to a functional life, I will make a point to choose something (or nothing) that actually satisfies my need to decompress.  When everything is hectic day in and day out, it may not be a good use of my Time Without Immediate Responsibilities to spend it at a loud concert.  On the contrary, if I’ve followed one mundane paper-pushing day with another all week, taking in a documentary may just bore me to tears.  The point is, I need to figure out how to effectively utilize my downtime so that I may actually derive satisfaction from it.

 Well, that’s the plan.  Now it’s time to implement it.  It’s a Saturday and the washer, dryer and dishwasher are all in use and sucking electricity.  This post counts as a little “me time,” as it allowed me to vent some frustration and lay down constructive ideas, which makes me feel better.  The upcoming dusting, vacuuming and general cleaning can count as my exercise, and the grocery store calls later.  Tomorrow I can prepare an appropriate number of snacks and lunches to guarantee better eating habits.  I’m heading off to straighten my closet.

Long time gone…

My last post was at the turn of the year, written with high hopes for 2009.  So far, I’ve seen mixed results.

I’ve had a few strokes of seriously bad luck that have made giant black marks on my life, but have also enjoyed greater success in my law practice.  I am trying to look on that ubiquitous “bright side,” and continue making strides toward general betterness, if that’s a word.  In the spirit of always counting the things you have to be thankful for, I will turn my attention away from the bad (except to learn from my mistakes), and focus on all things good that surround me.

My daughters are growing and learning and thriving in life.  They are tiny sunshines; small in size, but forces to be reckoned with.  At six and almost three years old, they continually amaze me, mostly in wonderful ways.  I am thankful to have them in my life, and delight in the fact that just hearing them laugh can disperse even the darkest clouds from around me.

My husband is hitting a life stride that makes him happy and successful.  His job and personal life have prospered, if not necessarily with wealth, at least with personal fulfillment.  These developments have made for general mood improvement, contributing to more happy days than not.  This helps us all enjoy our time together as a family, and helps he and I, as a couple, strengthen our relationship as it approaches nine years of marriage.  I am thankful for a spouse who values his contribution to our marriage, family and community, as well as his commitment to elevating our financial status (read: works hard to help us dig out of our massive mountain of debt).

My parents are happy and healthy, looking forward to retirement in the next 2-10 years.  They are always there to disburse advise, and withhold it when appropriate (they continually get better at recognizing the time for each, though there’s always room for improvement, of course).  They delight in their granddaughters and are very much enjoying life, when my father’s job allows him the opportunity.  I am thankful to have both parents together and loving it, and there for me whenever I need them.

My friends are terrific — supportive, funny, compassionate and reliable.  Their collective similarities and differences make each of them so individually important to me, as well as a great pool of experience to draw from.  I count on them for their willingness to listen, and for their ability to share.  I am happy to be there for them as much as they are for me.  I enjoy their company (when time allows!), and highly value these relationships.  I am thankful to have my friends, each and every one, for all of the countless reasons friendship exists.

My practice grows with each passing day, and promises to actually be profitable this year.  I enjoy most of the work I do, which is more than the majority of people can say.  I learn something new, usually many somethings, every day, and feel fulfilled in my career choice.  My network of colleagues and other professionals is constantly expanding, and with that comes the opportunity to forge new business connections and some friendships as well.  I am thankful for all of the success I have enjoyed, and optimistic about the future.

These are just some of the things I have to be thankful for (I should have saved this post for November), and they remind me of just how good I have it.  When it seems like much of the country is crumbling under hard times and worry, myself included, I just review these things that I have in my life that create joy and fulfillment.  It’s not always easy to look on this bright side, but it’s vital to life.  And I hope that I have a lot more ahead of me.

Looking forward to the New Year

I am welcoming 2009 with open arms. On its eve, I got misty in front of my husband, and fully expected the same teasing I get when he catches me crying at movies or Hallmark commercials. Instead, he wrapped me in his arms and read my mind. He asked, “Are you thinking how we’ve been together for 10 years? About how our daughters are six- and nearly three-years old?” All I could do was nod and wipe away tears.

And, without getting a sitter and going out to a New Year’s Eve party, we had one of the best times ever ringing in 2009.

The next day we spent alternating loafing and cleaning up, playing around, and cooking our lucky New Year’s dishes. I decided my resolutions would be my little secrets, because succeeding in keeping them will make what they are evident. I am looking forward to so much — namely completing my first year in business for myself and hopefully achieving, to modest degree, the things I had in mind when becoming a solo attorney: a little more financial security, a lot more freedom and decision-making, and, most importantly, time with my family.

In these uncertain times, all I am certain of is that I am happy, despite all the little obstacles that present themselves. And this year, I will take another step forward.

I think it’s going to be good.

This may make some sense

Caution: read this as if you don’t mind lack of coherence.  That said, I think I’m on beer #4 and probably shouldn’t be drinking and writing.  If you’ve read any previous posts, don’t worry, I think this is the cheapest beer you can buy.

Anyway, I’ve been drinking off a little steam, I guess.  It’s been another day in the life and we’re still in the same predicament.  We have managed to stem some spending, but financial recovery is obviously not an overnight event.  Just look at our nation’s current economical state.

So, I sit here tonight trying to figure out if this is this fourth beer or if I just cracked open the fifth (that’s right, folks, they’re cans).  That’s not a good sign, in fact, I think that qualifies as “binge drinking” according to those college seminars…amazing I can still type and form sentences with my clothes on.

And the point of all of this is that I’m just feeling a little stressed.  This has been my running theme, so no surprises here.  Add to the normal money problems, two young and (adorably, usually) demanding children, the norms of suburban married life, starting and attempting to run your own business — yada, yada, yada, huh?  But, like I said, add to this the news that my grandmother may have Hodgkin’s, and I feel the breakdown coming on.

Maybe I’ll just be Scarlett O’Hara tonight — and worry about it tomorrow.  For now, I guess I have a cheap beer to pour out and a warm bed (thankfully) to climb into.  We all have our issues to deal with.  I wish  you all luck with yours, and I’ll take mine as they come.

If you find yourself going through hell, keep going

My husband was taken with this quote, spoken by his company CEO on a conference call, enough so to call me at work and share it with me.  I agreed that it was an accurate mantra for us to adopt at this time.  So we have identified the place we are in, and where we want to go from here: out of it.

Our No-Spend Month has been seriously compromised, by unanticipated bills that have arrived one after another, and by our own realization that we simply spend more than we take in (not that we didn’t know this before, just that its constant confirmation and our seemingly paralyzing impotence to fix it are depressing).  Plus, tension surrounding all of this has risen again, straining an already tenuous relationship.  We struggle daily to conquer our mounting to-do list, and worry incessantly over our heaping to-pay list.  Sniping ensues, and we end up working against each other as much as we are supposed to be working together.

I am aware that many, many families are dealing with the same issues, and many more have problems that make ours look petty.  What makes this my unending focus is that this is my family, my responsibility, and my solution to find.  When I find myself feeling a surge of hope, something materializes like a sharp object next to a balloon, to deflate that fleeting moment.  We are precariously sitting on the edge of solvency, and have exhausted all of our available tethers.  Put simply, the money’s run out and there’s no place to find more.

We finally made our rental property (the one we would gladly not have if homes were actually selling in that neighborhood) inhabitable and secured a new renter.  We’re hoping the third time’s a charm, as we have lost tons of money on the two previous renters, both of whom we thought would take care of the property, or at least actually pay the rent.  Our last tenants, people we knew, skipped out and left damage to the tune of a current $5,000 or more loss to us.  That was a crushing blow to our finances.  Whether we’ll ever recover a dime remains doubtful.

Business has picked up for me, but the influx of work to do has not yet translated into an influx of money.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t change the status of money due to go out, so I find myself working like crazy and watching the available funds in my business line of credit dwindle to nothing.  Countdown: T minus 20 days.  It’s ironic; I counsel clients at the end of their financial ropes, while I am actually similarly situated.  I tell them what they need to do, while I struggle to take my own advice, because sticking your head in the sand sometimes seems like the only available relief.

At least I was able to spend this 20 minutes of coffee time venting on a blog.  Maybe it will prevent me from another day of soaring blood pressure, irritable exchanges with my spouse, and deficient patience with my children.  We’ll see.